Thanks for the September Full Moon Memory ~ Embracing the Pause
I was reminded by someone else’s post this week about a shift, a change in plans, that occurred this time last year. I am so grateful I saw that post and for the reflection it sparked. Reflecting back on our experiences has a way of shedding light on the present.
In early September 2019, just before Labor Day weekend, it became clear that the PranaVerdana Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) that had been on my calendar since February was not happening. It was such a challenge for me to let it go even as the Universe was clearly giving me signs that it was not the right time. You see, I LOVE offering yoga teacher trainings. They consume a lot of time and effort for sure, but they are so fulfilling and I truly benefit from them as much as the students do. Also, several students had enrolled way back in February - how could I let them down?
There is a creative process behind what I offer. Ideas arise through imagination and inspiration; usually during meditation, yoga, playing the gong, gardening, being outdoors or in the shower. These intuitive ideas get developed in both my mind and my body. I “see” it pretty clearly inside and “feel” it in my body, like trying it on to see if it fits right. This often happens all at once like a download, or sometimes it comes together over time. Once I jot it down and put it on my calendar, the effort of manifesting or making it a reality is then pretty fluid. Most of the time.
Last year’s planned PranaVerdana YTT seemed like a very logical offering since the previous two were fluid and smooth, even when obstacles arose. For instance, the 2017-18 training was to be held in our freshly remodeled home gathering space. As often happens with remodeling, it wasn’t ready as scheduled, but we seamlessly shifted to another lovely home gathering space. A smooth transition through an obstacle - all is well with the Universe. I am a believer in Oneness. A belief in all of us being part of the weave of a unified, universal energy. I consider myself being pretty in-tune and observant of the cues and signs this Oneness offers me on this journey through life. I recognize the polarity, and know for sure I still have tons of room to learn through my life experiences, through how things play out. The ripple effect is real, one action influences everything, and I strive to be truthful from the subtlest level of my thoughts all the way through to my physical actions.
In the fall of 2018 and early into 2019, I received inquiries about the next PranaVerdana Yoga Teacher Training. It had not yet made its way onto my calendar, so my reply was that I would announce it once “I knew for sure” it was happening. I was waiting for the inspiration and feel, the clear sign, a nudge, the approval of the universe. I thought more about that training than I had the previous trainings: I had the content all together, the home gathering space worked great, the students really bonded, trainings are so very fulfilling, etc. The interest in the training appeared to be a legit sign; good to go. So here’s the thing - I put it out there and also stated that I wasn’t doing one the following year. I was clear about the pause - I “felt” that. Everything was on track. There were enough commitments by summer with a few slots still open. PranaVerdana was growing into what I envisioned. I was inspired and directing much attention toward offering classes, week-long immersions, vibrant living guidance, and retreats - that felt really great.
I welcomed August, it had become our intentional month for attending out-of-state yoga trainings and events, then easing into an outdoor vacation. Time for growth and rejuvenating before Fall - Sweet! It is also usually when a YTT student slides in close to the wire and commits to the teacher training. Not this time. Instead, soon after coming home, more than half the committed students were unable to attend for very real, valid reasons. I refunded deposits and revisited the “interested but not committed” list. It felt possible, with wonderful students, but was it fluid? I believe with right effort and openness things flow IN from the Universe. I felt an internal struggle - do I go all in with strong effort to make it happen, postpone, reschedule, or cancel? I knew how to get clear. I woke up at 4:30am on the September Full Moon, went outside in the Schroasis and meditated. A beautiful experience in the sweet Amrit Vela (early morning time) under the luminous glow of the Full Moon. I sat in Oneness and listened for a long while. Then it came - “What do YOU want to do?” My body released - all of it - the expectations, the disappointment, the concerns, the fear of missing out, the uneasiness of forcing an outcome. My body softened, it cleared the way. I heard “Set It Down” and felt it wash over me. I accepted the inspiration to Pause with a smile, and meditated for another long while. Students were notified honestly and efficiently. The news was received graciously, even though I know it created some fall out. I believe students landed in the right trainings, or took a pause. I do feel we will connect in the future.
This experience of being at peace with “setting it down” serves as guidance amidst the shifts and changes Covid has created. Setting things down is really hard, but they will be picked back up when the time is right. I kept all the planned events on my PranaVerdana calendar. Back in March I was hopeful they could still happen. They didn’t. I sighed a heavy sigh as the calendar reminders announced classes, immersions, retreats, yoga festivals, etc. that would not happen. I left them there because it as a reminder that the inspiration is already there, they are on the calendar, and when the universe gives the signal, they will be picked back up. A very heavy sigh is coming up soon on Friday, September 11, 2020. It is the day our PranaVerdana Yoga Vacation group was leaving for 10 days in Tuscany. I’ll be meditating in the Amrit Vela that day.
Luckily, and with great excitement, the most important event on the calendar this year IS happening. Our daughter is marrying the love of her life on September 26. It may not look like it was originally planned, but it will be GREAT and super meaningful. The Universe cleared the way for it, and I “felt” it all along! Plus, we’ll get to do it all again in a big way next year.
Some things have picked back up. The Universe has cleared the way for awesome outdoor yoga classes and a small PranaVerdana Yoga Teacher Training begins on October 9. There is probably room for one student to slide in close to the wire. I’m feeling creative and re-connected thanks to many of you - and the September Full Moon.